Thursday, December 18, 2008

On Tuesday of this week, Stephen had a doctors appointment with the doctor that saved his life (Dr Ritchie) when he had his massive heart attack. I was rather amused that Stephen does not remember ever meeting Dr Ritchie. Dr Ritchie was amused that Steve was asking him all kinds of questions trying to verify that he indeed did have a heart attack. Steve said over and over again, if this is what it means to come that close to death, it's not that bad. After his appointment with the cardiologist, Steve talked all the way home about how surreal it all seems. Like he never really did have a heart attack, that everyone over reacted to him and that he was just fine. I remember when I was told that I had cancer while pregnant with Stephanie - to this day. . . I'm not really sure that I did - I think that whole dramatic episode in my life was just a bunch of doctors over reacting. Isn't if funny how our minds work. Perhaps that is God's way of encouraging us to continue to run the race. Somehow you just "get through" with confidence, peace and stupidity!

Dr. Ritchie once again affirmed the fact that Steve could now do whatever he felt like doing. (I have noticed that Stephen doesn't "feel" like doing too much yet). There was nothing that could harm him - he was not going to have another heart attack - so I need to let him go. I think I am doing better at letting him go . . . well, at least until I see his shoulders sag and a slow step, then I take on my stubborn obstinate wife role that will not take "no" for an answer. Steve comes home and right to his Lazyboy chair! The therapist told us that it would take 4-6 months before Steve would feel like himself again.

As you can tell, our life is very normal again. When I look to see how many people are still looking at the blog, I am overwhelmed that over 100 people still read it a day. I honestly have to say that you have been my strength and I thank you from the bottom of my heart for your prayers, your care and support. I am going to discontinue the blog as the holidays approach. We do wish you a lovely HOLYday. Take the time to read Luke 2 with your families. Spend time with your friends. Make many sweet memories. Remember your childhood and let the joy of everything that you see, you touch, you smell, you taste and that you hear consume you this season. I have learned once again that life is beautiful -- Thank you for being a part of our life -

It is rather sad to discontinue this blog - for when I write in it, I feel like I am talking to each one of you and loving you with all my heart. God bless you. Jayna

Monday, December 15, 2008

Steve's First Sermon

Steve was flying on cloud 9 after worship services yesterday. He was supposed to preach on the Christian symbol (Chrismon) of the harp. However, for his first sermon back after his surgery and knowing all of the death, loss of job, catastrophe's, financial worries, cancer, sickness, heart, and family dynamics going on in our church, he decided to preach where he left off before the heart attack. The Sunday before his hospital experience Steve had preached on soaring with wings of eagles. This Sunday, however, he took that Scripture passage where the prophet Isaiah penned the words "Those who wait upon the Lord....shall soar with wings of eagles, they shall run and not grow weary, they shall walk and not faint." Ending the sermon with sometimes God meets us not with the ectasy of soaring, or the empowerment of running/perserverance...but just to walk and not faint is everything - God is there. It was a very powerful sermon in my estimation - especially in light of everything going on in our life.

After Steve preached 2 sermons, went to Sunday School, he came home for 10 minutes and the telephone rang - so, to the hospital we ran as we watched Bill White's mother slip quietly into heaven. When we finally did get home, Steve was exhausted and in quite a bit of pain. But, he was happy. He stayed home and sat quietly in his chair for the rest of the day. Jayna ran to church for a couple of hours during that time frame, where Steve said "all I did was answer telephones"!

This morning Steve took it easy until 9:30 a.m. - now he has left to go to church. This is the first time he has left me home alone since the heart attack. In some ways it seems like life is back to some semblance of normality - and in other ways my heart is frozen with fear. I have noticed over the last week that I have been very emotional letting Steve go back to work. I have silent tears down my cheeks all the time - I don't really feel sad, I just cry. Trying to analyze myself I assume that I have some fear in letting Steve go back to work so soon. I fear alot. I know the Bible tells me to "fear not, for I am with you not dismayed for I AM your God." I know this in my head, but my heart still fears. I try to rest on the fact the I have placed my trust in the Lord God, I know I have given this man I love to the Lord and to His work - boy . . . another thing to ponder. . . perhaps this is what it means to "walk and not faint" . . . . .