Our life is beginning to look alot more normal as the days go by. Stephen continues to get stronger. He is attending rehabilitation on Monday Wednesday and Friday's and seems to be handeling it fairly well. He has had trouble with blood pressure remaining stable while he is exercising, and he is exhausted when finished, but he comes right home, takes a shower and goes right into church. He works until around 4:00 pm - and then most nights he is back at work by 6:30 - so his schedule is pretty much the same as it was before the heart attack.

I've taken on most of the household chores and work. I've mastered the snowblower! Hey, that is a fun toy. I thought Steve was working hard when he was plowing us out, but now I know that he was having the time of his life! Emptying the trash is not as fun as blowing snow- but it's not terrible - especially when the neighbor comes over to take the trash can out to the curb for me! I've cleaned the carpets and moved furniture all by myself! The gutters still need cleaned out - Steve's heart attack was in October while the leaves were still falling. The first month home we only took care of Steve - now that I can get to the eaves - they are full of ice. We have icicles hanging over the garage. I keep knocking them off, but they come back. I hear the weather will get up to 45 degrees this weekend - I will try my hand at climbing ladders and getting those leaves out of there. Actually it sounds like a great adventure!

I will have to take a picture of Steve here shortly so you can see how much weight he has lost - over 35 pounds and still loosing. I guess he has another 10 pounds to go before he has met his goal. Already his clothing hangs on him. Actually, he doesn't look very groomed when he puts on a sweater and it just hangs on him - and his pants hang down to his knees! We did purchase a new belt so the belt could hold the pants up at least. We don't want to purchase any new clothes until he has met his target weight. So, until then, he doesn't look very professional. It makes me laugh (but not so that he can hear!)

I have been very impressed that Steve does not complain about eating salad anymore. He never complains about the salt shaker being removed from the table. He even seems grateful for a popcicle since he can't eat ice cream at night. I was afraid that I would have to be the food police, but he actually is taking responsibility for his own eating. And, we are not eating out as much. It is so difficult to be on this kind of diet and eat out. I thought it would save us money, but fresh fruit, vegetables, high fiber breads, low-fat meats, shellfish, fresh salmon and tuna are very expensive - our grocery bill has more than doubled. What I would give for a warm homemade tollhouse chocolate chip cookie! Now that is a long-lost dream. Funny thing, I haven't lost any weight and I eat the same thing Steve does. He must have been sneaking food when I wasn't looking before! Ha.

Beutler "Wii-kend"

This year's theme for our family holiday gathering was entitled the "Beutler wiikend". Jason and Kendra planned this years fun. All gifts were centered around the Nintendo "wii" - not only that, but we had a great Olympic competition that lasted 2 days.

The reason for this theme was due to the fact that for the very first time in our life, one of our children could not be home for Christmas. Chris, Sara, Grant and Mason remained in Jacksonville Florida as Chris was "on call" at the naval hospital over the holidays. So, Steve and I purchased Chris/Sara and Daniel/Stephanie a Nintendo "wii" (Jason/Kendra already had one - so they got the Wii-fit). We also purchased games that we could play online.

Kinsen - our little princess - received princess dresses, tiara's, gloves, crinilyns, glass slippers, pretend wigs and princess jewelry and makeup for Christmas. Jaybin received a slot car which kept him busy the entire "wii-kend". We really enjoyed watching the kids open their presents from Grandma and Papa. We sent Sara's kids presents through the mail. Grant opened a Geotrax train/car set and Mason received a ball popper that he really loves. Sara, here are a couple of pictures for you to see Jaybin and Kinsen with their presents. We sure enjoyed seeing the pictures of Grant/Mason opening their presents on your blogsite.















Jason and Kendra put together a grand olympics tournament that we could play with Chris and Sara in Florida as we played in Kokomo. We really had a wonderful time, even though we all could not be together physically. Here begins the pictures of the "wiikend".

























Aren't these great T-shirts?















Jason, Sara and Daniel kind of dominated the wiikend - Jason won the most gold medals - Daniel took most of the silver medals - Sara won oodles of medals as well. Stephanie won the boobie prize which consisted of a button that said "I tried, I really did"! The rest of us tried as well, but just couldn't keep up with the "pros". Alls I can say is that some people must spend way too much time playing while others of us have to do all the work! ha.





The fun part of the wiikend was that all ages were engaged and having a great time.






















We began the Olympic day with eating an olympic power breakfast of fruit, granola, yogurt and bagels. Lunch - well look at this sandwich! (see the olympic rings? correct color and all)
















There was 11 people and 3 dogs in our home for 4 days. Steve seemed to do very well with all the comotion. He did fall asleep on us and could not play all of the active games. But, he really did well and had a great time watching everyone.


Doesn't Daddy look good? Hope you enjoy these pictures Sara. We took hundreds of pictures. I will post them on snapfish so you can see all of them. We missed you so much -

On Tuesday of this week, Stephen had a doctors appointment with the doctor that saved his life (Dr Ritchie) when he had his massive heart attack. I was rather amused that Stephen does not remember ever meeting Dr Ritchie. Dr Ritchie was amused that Steve was asking him all kinds of questions trying to verify that he indeed did have a heart attack. Steve said over and over again, if this is what it means to come that close to death, it's not that bad. After his appointment with the cardiologist, Steve talked all the way home about how surreal it all seems. Like he never really did have a heart attack, that everyone over reacted to him and that he was just fine. I remember when I was told that I had cancer while pregnant with Stephanie - to this day. . . I'm not really sure that I did - I think that whole dramatic episode in my life was just a bunch of doctors over reacting. Isn't if funny how our minds work. Perhaps that is God's way of encouraging us to continue to run the race. Somehow you just "get through" with confidence, peace and stupidity!

Dr. Ritchie once again affirmed the fact that Steve could now do whatever he felt like doing. (I have noticed that Stephen doesn't "feel" like doing too much yet). There was nothing that could harm him - he was not going to have another heart attack - so I need to let him go. I think I am doing better at letting him go . . . well, at least until I see his shoulders sag and a slow step, then I take on my stubborn obstinate wife role that will not take "no" for an answer. Steve comes home and right to his Lazyboy chair! The therapist told us that it would take 4-6 months before Steve would feel like himself again.

As you can tell, our life is very normal again. When I look to see how many people are still looking at the blog, I am overwhelmed that over 100 people still read it a day. I honestly have to say that you have been my strength and I thank you from the bottom of my heart for your prayers, your care and support. I am going to discontinue the blog as the holidays approach. We do wish you a lovely HOLYday. Take the time to read Luke 2 with your families. Spend time with your friends. Make many sweet memories. Remember your childhood and let the joy of everything that you see, you touch, you smell, you taste and that you hear consume you this season. I have learned once again that life is beautiful -- Thank you for being a part of our life -

It is rather sad to discontinue this blog - for when I write in it, I feel like I am talking to each one of you and loving you with all my heart. God bless you. Jayna

Steve's First Sermon

Steve was flying on cloud 9 after worship services yesterday. He was supposed to preach on the Christian symbol (Chrismon) of the harp. However, for his first sermon back after his surgery and knowing all of the death, loss of job, catastrophe's, financial worries, cancer, sickness, heart, and family dynamics going on in our church, he decided to preach where he left off before the heart attack. The Sunday before his hospital experience Steve had preached on soaring with wings of eagles. This Sunday, however, he took that Scripture passage where the prophet Isaiah penned the words "Those who wait upon the Lord....shall soar with wings of eagles, they shall run and not grow weary, they shall walk and not faint." Ending the sermon with sometimes God meets us not with the ectasy of soaring, or the empowerment of running/perserverance...but just to walk and not faint is everything - God is there. It was a very powerful sermon in my estimation - especially in light of everything going on in our life.

After Steve preached 2 sermons, went to Sunday School, he came home for 10 minutes and the telephone rang - so, to the hospital we ran as we watched Bill White's mother slip quietly into heaven. When we finally did get home, Steve was exhausted and in quite a bit of pain. But, he was happy. He stayed home and sat quietly in his chair for the rest of the day. Jayna ran to church for a couple of hours during that time frame, where Steve said "all I did was answer telephones"!

This morning Steve took it easy until 9:30 a.m. - now he has left to go to church. This is the first time he has left me home alone since the heart attack. In some ways it seems like life is back to some semblance of normality - and in other ways my heart is frozen with fear. I have noticed over the last week that I have been very emotional letting Steve go back to work. I have silent tears down my cheeks all the time - I don't really feel sad, I just cry. Trying to analyze myself I assume that I have some fear in letting Steve go back to work so soon. I fear alot. I know the Bible tells me to "fear not, for I am with you ....be not dismayed for I AM your God." I know this in my head, but my heart still fears. I try to rest on the fact the I have placed my trust in the Lord God, I know I have given this man I love to the Lord and to His work - boy . . . another thing to ponder. . . perhaps this is what it means to "walk and not faint" . . . . .

He must be feeling better, but I'm not

This very first week back at work Stephen has done remarkably well. I have actually been surprised that he is keeping up as well as he is. I thought he would go into work for a couple of hours and come home exhausted and fall asleep in his chair for the rest of the day. However, that has not been the case. Monday was a very very busy day as he met with the Finance committee most of the morning to determine how we were going to hold costs down and cut the budget to reflect a 0% increase. He went for coffee with a pastor friend that needed to talk. Steve also went to the Pastor Parish Relations committee meeting that night.

Tuesday was spent filling out paperwork for Rehab at Howard Hospital. (It looks like they want Steve to participate in rehabilitation on Monday, Wed and Fri for 6-8 weeks.) He continued to work on finances and to top of the evening we went out to eat with some friends.

Wednesday Steve met with the Pastors in the Kokomo cluster group and spent many, many hours (at least 6) working on balancing/cutting the budget until he was satisfied with the bottom line.

Today he spent working on his sermon for this coming Sunday. Yes, that is right, Steve is preaching this week. I wonder how he is going to do getting behind the pulpit after such an ordeal in his life. I can only imagine that he will look out over his congregation and begin weeping - for joy of being alive - for joy of still being useful for the Lord - and for joy of the overwhelming gratitude of all the prayers/support he has felt from this body of Christ.

I do have to admit that allowing Steve to get back into the swing of things has not been as easy for me as it has been for Steve. I struggle with the fact that Dr Coffey said that Steve could do whatever he feels like doing. Perhaps my stress is related more to the fact that I am not ready for him to go back to work so fast. Perhaps I am still "mothering" him or something. Perhaps my heart still fears that he will have another heart attack and I will loose him. I cannot set him free so quickly. I still want him to rest. I still want him to be home stress-free.

I am insisting that Steve take tomorrow off completely of which he has agreed to comply. I think we will sleep in late and wrap Christmas presents!

PS: I just read this post to Steve and he said "wow, it sounds like I'm doing better than I feel!" Ha.

It's December 5th!

Well, this is the magic day - the day that Steve meets with his surgeon, Dr. Coffey, in Indianapolis! Neither of us slept last night. Stephen was coughing so much it kept both of us awake. We finally went downstairs and settled Steve back in the Lazyboy chair around 12:30 a.m., and at 4:00 we both were awake by his coughing. We couldn't go back to sleep. We got to Methodist Hospital an hour early. Dr. Coffey was very impressed with Steve's progression and healing process. Everything checked out fabulously - except for the bad cough. Steve is now on an antibiotic and some cough medications. It seems that Steve doesn't tolerate the cold weather as his lungs were "irritated" from the respirator/surgery. He just needs to keep his face covered while he is outside.

Dr Coffey has released Steve to Dr. Ritchie in Kokomo. We don't ever have to see Dr. Coffey again. That is kind of sad - Dr. Coffey was a really nice Christian man. Steve was delighted when the doctor released him to go back to work. Dr Coffey teased Stephen that he can now preach some "light" sermons (because he still can't lift more than 10 pounds). Steve can also drive and go back to work. Psychologically he feels like a new man just being able to care for himself.

We ventured out to our first real "social engagement" tonight to the District Christmas party at St Lukes UMC. We were there about 1 hour before Steve started asking for a pain pill. 20 minutes later he was ready to go home. Tomorrow we plan on staying pretty quiet and allow the antiobiotic to take affect. Then on Sunday we are hoping to go to church together for the first time since October 20th. Monday Steve will go into work.

Going back to work! I don't think our expectations are too high. We both know that Steve wears out very fast. I guess the only way we will know is to just let him get out there and see what he can tolerate. I don't think he will work full days. Tuesday of this week Steve begins rehab at Howard Hospital. We don't have a clue what that means. We have heard that rehab is exhausting - we have also heard that it is a waste of time. He was told however, that he must go to rehab every day Monday through Friday until - - whenever they feel he is "rehab-ed".

All in all it was a very good day. Psychologically we are elated at the fact that Steve is "well enough" to go back to work!

I've been singing a song all day long. I don't really know the song, except for a few words: "Mamma said their'd be days like this, there'd be days like this my mamma said . . . " Well, "mamma" didn't tell me their'd be days like this but the doctors and nurses told us that some days would be good and some days would be bad. Stephen had developed a cough a couple of days ago, but nothing too terrible. He went to Ad Council meeting on Monday night (still coughing, but figuring that the cough was a "side effect" to some of the medications that he is taking). Tuesday and Wednesday he didn't even bother to get dressed he was feeling so terrible. I can only imagine how it feels to cough right after open heart surgery. Not only is he coughing all night long . . . he also has the stomach flu. He is back to sleeping in his Lazyboy chair again and I'm on the couch.

Steve goes to the surgeon on Friday morning of this week. Hopefully the surgeon will release him to drive and go back to work some. I think however we are realizing the going back to work is a very loose phrase.

I have been struggling with my feelings and emotions this week . I have become a very "doting" wife that is not sure she wants her spouse to go back to work. There has been something very sweet about taking care of Steve. Something sweet about having him home. I really hate to give him back to his work - I have rather enjoyed having him around, listening to him, dreaming with him, cuddling up on the couch and sitting quietly by his side. As soon as Steve goes back to work, routine will settle in and the closeness, beauty, and cherishing each other's life will turn into the rat-race of living once again. There is not one moment that I don't think about the fact that "I almost lost" him. It rather depresses me to let our life go back to the every day stresses of deadlines, meetings, responsibility and work.

Oh well . . . I guess letting him go back to work is better than having to accept disability insurance. Anyway . . . we really don't have a clue what Steve will be like when begins rehabilitation - he may be home more than at work for quite a few weeks yet.