Can Dec 5 get here soon enough?

I know it has been a couple of days since I've updated the blog - the truth is, we are pretty boring people in every day life! The last few days we have been up to . . . not much! Steve did venture out to the Men's Bible Study last night, and we have visited the church office a couple of times just to say "hi". We went one morning back to the hospital to have some tests. It seems that Steve has some fluid gathering around his heart, and they are keeping an eye on that. We also thought that Steve had developed a hernia where the doctor put in the heart pump, but that turned out to be excessive bruising. So, there you have it! The exciting journey of Steve and Jayna.

The greatest thing in our life right now is trying to keep Steve from going back to work. He has very wisely agreed to not go back to work until he meets with his Heart Surgeon on December 5th - which is 5 weeks after the heart surgery. I think he believes that Dec 5 is the magic date that he will feel good again and be able to go back to work. He has big dreams for returning back to work. I have loved watching Steve work through this entire "going back to work" issue in his life. He seems to live for that day.

I knew the day I married Steve that he had an incredible work ethic and the highest integrity of any man I knew. As I have listened to him and worked to understand his great obsession to get back to work, I am reminded once again why I love this man so: He loves the work that God has given him to do; He loves his "people" and wants to be a part of their journey; He wants to teach and preach again more than anything on the face of this earth; He wants to see the "light" turn on in the lives/eyes of his flock; He wants to be back in the pulpit and share the new things that God has been teaching him over the last month. And certainly not least, he feels the church is "paying" him to do a job and sitting in his big Lazyboy chair at home is not getting that job done.

As I watch Steve get stronger and stronger, I know that I truly embrace his actions/passion, love for the church or love for the work that Christ has given him to do. He needs to be with people. I know that when he actually does go back to work it won't be with as much "gusto" as he thinks he will have (He still sleeps half the day away) - but what he can do, he will do with joy. For Steve, December 5 cannot get here fast enough. For me, I'm happy to have him home all to myself for awhile longer, but, I will rejoice with him the day he gets to be back in the pulpit again.

Not as Boring as I thought

Well, when I got up this morning, I thought this was going to be a very boring day - not much to look forward to, but God certainly took care of that for us. The telephone began ringing around 9:30 and the Lord brought all kinds of ministry my way this morning. Then, Stephen decided that he wanted to get a haircut, so we loaded him up in the car and off to the Barber shop. They didn't have any space until later in the afternoon, so we walked over to the church office to see everyone there. My, that office is a busy place! We decided to go out to lunch. Ah, this will be the big test to see if Steve can make good diet choices or bad ones??? Hummm....oh....not so good. Oh well, I have my work cut out for me!

We then came home, and Steve actually felt pretty strong, so he headed back to his office, then he began pacing the floor. For about 10-15 minutes he just paced with a very stern look on his face. I asked what he was thinking about and he said "a sermon" - I then said, woah, that must be a pretty sober sermon. Steve looked at me and very passionately started laying out the sermon he had on his heart, eyes full of tears and a strong glean in his eye he said "I guess God is not through with me yet - I'm still being inspired"! He has been moved all afternoon and not grown weary. . . or tired. I'm soaring on eagles' wings.

Graduated

Hey, Steve has graduated from sleeping in the Lazyboy chair to sleeping on the couch! When we bought the couch a couple of years ago, the biggest option the couch had to have was that we could both curl up on the sofa and take a Sunday afternoon nap. Crazy as it was, while shopping for the sofa, Steve would lay down on it with his head on one arm and I would lay with my head on the other arm. If the sofa could hold us comfortably, then it was considered. We found the perfect couch that I have affectionately called "my great sleeping couch". I have been sleeping on the couch alone since Steve's surgery, but last night . . . He got to stick his feet in my face and I certainly enjoyed every minute of smelling them all night long. We only got up once last night to get him some pain medication - and we didn't use the strong stuff, he took Extra-strength Tylenol. This morning, however, I took a couple of them myself - maybe my great "sleeping couch" wasn't quite perfect enough for two people to sleep all night long - in one position without being able to turn!

When I got home from church yesterday, Steve was in his home office working on sermons! Now, that is a big improvement. He has been saying for days now that he needs to work on sermons, but as soon as he begins, he either falls asleep, or he can't concentrate. It was nice to see him up, showered, dressed and in his office. It almost seemed like normal.

We had a pretty uneventful day yesterday. Steve did watch the Colts game while I cleaned the stove/oven. You know, I have dusted every day, mopped floors every day, vacumned every day, cleaned the downstairs bathroom every day - I am really looking for "active" things to do. I was even toying with the idea of putting up my Christmas decorations - just to give me something active to do. However, I know that in a few more days Steve might feel like helping and that would give him something to "do" while he is recuperating as well. So . . . I wait.

I don't have a clue what I can do today - I guess we'll start with fixing breakfast and see what the day brings. I certainly don't want to waste it - hummm... Okay, Lord, this day is yours - what are we going to do today?

Bummer-

We have been doing so well - every day progressing almost perfectly, that is until last night. I was getting ready to go to Women's Bible Study and Steve had tremendous chest pain and had trouble breathing. Steve thought that he was having another heart attack. Only this time, he said it "felt" like a heart attack - it was painful. We called the cardiologist who seems to think that there is some swelling/fluid around the lining of the heart. We are to keep giving him the pain medication and encourage rest. I guess this happens sometimes, but it sure did scare us. We have been very quiet on this gloomy, rainy day.

Steve had a couple of friends from his Bible Study visit today. One friend just had prostate cancer surgery and the other friend is a heart transplant candidate. They both were such an encouragement and gave such helpful advice as both of them have had to make some drastic life-style changes. It is truly humbling as a person who is in much greater need than we offers prayers for healing and strength for "his brother". I "took a picture in my mind" of the beautiful moment of three men bowing before the Father praying for each other and lifting their lives as offerings. Powerful stuff!

First Doctors Appt

We went to visit Stephen's internal doctor this morning. This was the first time we had met this doctor as Dr. Ritchey (Steve's new cardiologist) requested that Steve find an internal medicine doctor. The doctor was very surprised that Stephen looked so well after one week following open heart surgery. Steve left the office very encouraged. He has lost over 20 pounds already. His appetite is not very big yet, and he thinks that he really doesn't like salt-free; fat-free; cholesterol free; sugar free food. He jokingly tells everyone "if it tastes good, he can't have it"! I really disagree with him. The food that the church has been bringing over has been incredible.

After we went to the doctor, Steve didn't want to go back home, so we went over to the church office for a few minutes. He was very excited and seemed to enjoy being with people again. We stayed for about 15 minutes, then headed for home. As soon as he sat down in his chair, he was asleep - for 4 hours. Right before he fell asleep he was telling me that he felt like he could work an entire day now that he was getting stronger! Ha.

Friends and family are coming to visit now. That has really kept him busy and happy. We are rejoicing in every moment.

Yesterday was very emotional for me as I walked into Grace UMC to worship. It overwhelmed me. I was rather surprised that I became so emotional. I have not been very weepy or emotional through the entire process. Oh, sometimes I would tear up, or struggle with controlling my thoughts, but emotion...I was pretty strong and matter of fact about the whole thing. Until...I walked into the house of the Lord. Then... well, I wanted to fall apart. As Iwalked into the church the hugs, the love and sympathy enveloped me. I quickly tried to find my seat thinking that perhaps I wouldn't have to face so many empathetic loving faces; perhaps that would help me get control of myself. I opened my bulletin hoping that people would see that I was "busy" and just give me a moment to get control of myself. Sitting there I looked over the bulletin and settled myself down - at least for awhile. The processional song of the morning began and I opened my mouth to sing "God Will Take Care of You". ...."through days of toil when heart doth fail, God will take care of you...when dangers fierce your path assail, God will take care of you." That did it, the tears began to roll. I know that God did take care of Stephen and I through this whole ordeal. I know that everyday He was with us, sustaining us, guiding us, helping us make right decisions, providing for us... and gratitude poured out of my soul, grasping to just be held safe in His arms. Someone put their arm around me. I was afraid that everyone was watching me. I wanted to escape the building, but then all of a sudden there was that peace again. Wonderful peace coming down from the Father above, sweeping over my spirit. I have always heard about God's peace but have never experienced it like we have over the last couple of weeks. Peace is a very powerful thing.

Perhaps now I understand how hard it must be to walk in the church after you have lost your loved ones. Is it the sanctuary of the Lord? Is it the sympathetic faces? Is it your grief? It's hard to tell. Perhaps it is all of them put together. But, I know now how hard it is to come back into the church after a crises in your life. I find it very interesting and something that I continue to ponder -


Steve continues to do very well. Every day we see marked improvement. He is having people come to visit him now and everyone says "how good he looks". . . and he does look great. He is getting stronger and "back to himself". He wants to get back to work probably sooner than I think would be good for him. Last evening we had a long talk about his health and the life-style changes that need to be made. I feel much better after talking "heart to heart" with him. He is taking alot of responsibility for his health, diet and exercise. I was afraid that I would have to be the "food police", or "exercise sargeant", but that is not the case. He is doing a great job of accessing his health. For that I am very grateful.

Today a group of women from the church are picking me up to take me to lunch. I am so excited to get out a little and just be "normal" again. They suggested going Christmas shopping after lunch - humm.... I guess Christmas is coming . . . a holiday I simply love . . . I wonder why I just don't feel like shopping/decorating/celebrating? Another thing to ponder . . .

Every day Stephen continues to get stronger - and a little more active. Yesterday his big undertaking was going for a walk outside. It was so beautiful yesterday. He walked 5 houses down and 5 houses back. Naturally it wiped him out for the rest of the day, but he said it felt wonderful to get out of the house for awhile. Today he wants to go for a ride in the car to see all the fall color in the trees, but it is already 3:00 pm and he just hasn't had the energy, or been awake long enough.

Steve's mother was here and kept an eye on Steve while I raked leaves, put away garden hoses, winterized the flower garden, winterized the outside of the house. It took me all day raking leaves, but with the strong winds we had yesterday as soon as I raked a section the winds would blow more leaves off of the trees. Today it doesn't look like I did a thing yesterday!

Mom Beutler left today as there really isn't much we can do for Steve other than wait. He really looks great. His coloring is good, he gets up and walks around really well, his exercises he does with ease (oh yes, he complains, but he can do it!). Every day I am more and more encouraged.

As Steve and I were talking last night about how we were processing this entire episode in our life, we both have commented on the great peace, the gentle strength, the calm assurance we felt over the last 2 weeks. We have always said that the greatest asset that we have had in our ministry was our children. When we came to Kokomo Grace UMC we were afraid that we "couldn't do it" without our children. As the heart attack unfolded and the children all came home to support, love, nurture and care for us, we humbly needed to admit once again that it was our children that gave us the most pride, joy, peace, assurance, and strength. The nurses, doctors, and caregivers all commented that we were the most laughing, giggling, singing, praying family they had ever seen. Dr. Coffey (Steve's surgeon) even commented that he loved coming to Steve's room because he always left laughing about something and he said to Steve: "you have some family here Mr Beutler". I don't know if that's good or bad! Ha.

To be a part of a family like mine
where love is shown and support divine
is the greatest gift in all the earth
giving joy and strength, and good self worth

we laugh, we cry, "we're all we've got"
if one is in need and the others are not
my family pulls through with comforting ways
sharing acts of compassion to help through the days

There are no words that express my joy
in this gift of two daughters and one single boy
who have taught us as parents the beauty of life
and made it worth living as husband and wife

This family is growing as "in-laws" appear
and blessings continue as troubles draw near
these spouses that married our children three
were all at the Throne on bended knee

they too were "my family" offering much needed strength
holding my hand - it seemed at great length
I bow to the Father with humble devotion
and Thank Him for every bit of commotion

Then too, I found that my family extended
to the body of Christ - we all became blended
you stood by my side with prayers galore
and loved us extravagantly . . . and then offered more

There is nothing more precious on the face of this earth
than people, or love, and the promise of birth
for birthing across my spirit tonight
is a fresh love for "family" with all of my might.

Okay, enough of this smaltzy stuff. Jeanne Harland wrote Steve a get well note that said something like: "I know that God said "okay, okay, enough prayer already, I'll do it, I'll do it!" Thanks family for your prayers - God did it! Hallelujah, Amen.