We have been doing so well - every day progressing almost perfectly, that is until last night. I was getting ready to go to Women's Bible Study and Steve had tremendous chest pain and had trouble breathing. Steve thought that he was having another heart attack. Only this time, he said it "felt" like a heart attack - it was painful. We called the cardiologist who seems to think that there is some swelling/fluid around the lining of the heart. We are to keep giving him the pain medication and encourage rest. I guess this happens sometimes, but it sure did scare us. We have been very quiet on this gloomy, rainy day.
Steve had a couple of friends from his Bible Study visit today. One friend just had prostate cancer surgery and the other friend is a heart transplant candidate. They both were such an encouragement and gave such helpful advice as both of them have had to make some drastic life-style changes. It is truly humbling as a person who is in much greater need than we offers prayers for healing and strength for "his brother". I "took a picture in my mind" of the beautiful moment of three men bowing before the Father praying for each other and lifting their lives as offerings. Powerful stuff!
Friday, November 14, 2008
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
First Doctors Appt
We went to visit Stephen's internal doctor this morning. This was the first time we had met this doctor as Dr. Ritchey (Steve's new cardiologist) requested that Steve find an internal medicine doctor. The doctor was very surprised that Stephen looked so well after one week following open heart surgery. Steve left the office very encouraged. He has lost over 20 pounds already. His appetite is not very big yet, and he thinks that he really doesn't like salt-free; fat-free; cholesterol free; sugar free food. He jokingly tells everyone "if it tastes good, he can't have it"! I really disagree with him. The food that the church has been bringing over has been incredible.
After we went to the doctor, Steve didn't want to go back home, so we went over to the church office for a few minutes. He was very excited and seemed to enjoy being with people again. We stayed for about 15 minutes, then headed for home. As soon as he sat down in his chair, he was asleep - for 4 hours. Right before he fell asleep he was telling me that he felt like he could work an entire day now that he was getting stronger! Ha.
Friends and family are coming to visit now. That has really kept him busy and happy. We are rejoicing in every moment.
After we went to the doctor, Steve didn't want to go back home, so we went over to the church office for a few minutes. He was very excited and seemed to enjoy being with people again. We stayed for about 15 minutes, then headed for home. As soon as he sat down in his chair, he was asleep - for 4 hours. Right before he fell asleep he was telling me that he felt like he could work an entire day now that he was getting stronger! Ha.
Friends and family are coming to visit now. That has really kept him busy and happy. We are rejoicing in every moment.
Monday, November 10, 2008
Yesterday was very emotional for me as I walked into Grace UMC to worship. It overwhelmed me. I was rather surprised that I became so emotional. I have not been very weepy or emotional through the entire process. Oh, sometimes I would tear up, or struggle with controlling my thoughts, but emotion...I was pretty strong and matter of fact about the whole thing. Until...I walked into the house of the Lord. Then... well, I wanted to fall apart. As Iwalked into the church the hugs, the love and sympathy enveloped me. I quickly tried to find my seat thinking that perhaps I wouldn't have to face so many empathetic loving faces; perhaps that would help me get control of myself. I opened my bulletin hoping that people would see that I was "busy" and just give me a moment to get control of myself. Sitting there I looked over the bulletin and settled myself down - at least for awhile. The processional song of the morning began and I opened my mouth to sing "God Will Take Care of You". ...."through days of toil when heart doth fail, God will take care of you...when dangers fierce your path assail, God will take care of you." That did it, the tears began to roll. I know that God did take care of Stephen and I through this whole ordeal. I know that everyday He was with us, sustaining us, guiding us, helping us make right decisions, providing for us... and gratitude poured out of my soul, grasping to just be held safe in His arms. Someone put their arm around me. I was afraid that everyone was watching me. I wanted to escape the building, but then all of a sudden there was that peace again. Wonderful peace coming down from the Father above, sweeping over my spirit. I have always heard about God's peace but have never experienced it like we have over the last couple of weeks. Peace is a very powerful thing.
Perhaps now I understand how hard it must be to walk in the church after you have lost your loved ones. Is it the sanctuary of the Lord? Is it the sympathetic faces? Is it your grief? It's hard to tell. Perhaps it is all of them put together. But, I know now how hard it is to come back into the church after a crises in your life. I find it very interesting and something that I continue to ponder -
Steve continues to do very well. Every day we see marked improvement. He is having people come to visit him now and everyone says "how good he looks". . . and he does look great. He is getting stronger and "back to himself". He wants to get back to work probably sooner than I think would be good for him. Last evening we had a long talk about his health and the life-style changes that need to be made. I feel much better after talking "heart to heart" with him. He is taking alot of responsibility for his health, diet and exercise. I was afraid that I would have to be the "food police", or "exercise sargeant", but that is not the case. He is doing a great job of accessing his health. For that I am very grateful.
Today a group of women from the church are picking me up to take me to lunch. I am so excited to get out a little and just be "normal" again. They suggested going Christmas shopping after lunch - humm.... I guess Christmas is coming . . . a holiday I simply love . . . I wonder why I just don't feel like shopping/decorating/celebrating? Another thing to ponder . . .
Perhaps now I understand how hard it must be to walk in the church after you have lost your loved ones. Is it the sanctuary of the Lord? Is it the sympathetic faces? Is it your grief? It's hard to tell. Perhaps it is all of them put together. But, I know now how hard it is to come back into the church after a crises in your life. I find it very interesting and something that I continue to ponder -
Steve continues to do very well. Every day we see marked improvement. He is having people come to visit him now and everyone says "how good he looks". . . and he does look great. He is getting stronger and "back to himself". He wants to get back to work probably sooner than I think would be good for him. Last evening we had a long talk about his health and the life-style changes that need to be made. I feel much better after talking "heart to heart" with him. He is taking alot of responsibility for his health, diet and exercise. I was afraid that I would have to be the "food police", or "exercise sargeant", but that is not the case. He is doing a great job of accessing his health. For that I am very grateful.
Today a group of women from the church are picking me up to take me to lunch. I am so excited to get out a little and just be "normal" again. They suggested going Christmas shopping after lunch - humm.... I guess Christmas is coming . . . a holiday I simply love . . . I wonder why I just don't feel like shopping/decorating/celebrating? Another thing to ponder . . .
Friday, November 7, 2008
Every day Stephen continues to get stronger - and a little more active. Yesterday his big undertaking was going for a walk outside. It was so beautiful yesterday. He walked 5 houses down and 5 houses back. Naturally it wiped him out for the rest of the day, but he said it felt wonderful to get out of the house for awhile. Today he wants to go for a ride in the car to see all the fall color in the trees, but it is already 3:00 pm and he just hasn't had the energy, or been awake long enough.
Steve's mother was here and kept an eye on Steve while I raked leaves, put away garden hoses, winterized the flower garden, winterized the outside of the house. It took me all day raking leaves, but with the strong winds we had yesterday as soon as I raked a section the winds would blow more leaves off of the trees. Today it doesn't look like I did a thing yesterday!
Mom Beutler left today as there really isn't much we can do for Steve other than wait. He really looks great. His coloring is good, he gets up and walks around really well, his exercises he does with ease (oh yes, he complains, but he can do it!). Every day I am more and more encouraged.
As Steve and I were talking last night about how we were processing this entire episode in our life, we both have commented on the great peace, the gentle strength, the calm assurance we felt over the last 2 weeks. We have always said that the greatest asset that we have had in our ministry was our children. When we came to Kokomo Grace UMC we were afraid that we "couldn't do it" without our children. As the heart attack unfolded and the children all came home to support, love, nurture and care for us, we humbly needed to admit once again that it was our children that gave us the most pride, joy, peace, assurance, and strength. The nurses, doctors, and caregivers all commented that we were the most laughing, giggling, singing, praying family they had ever seen. Dr. Coffey (Steve's surgeon) even commented that he loved coming to Steve's room because he always left laughing about something and he said to Steve: "you have some family here Mr Beutler". I don't know if that's good or bad! Ha.
To be a part of a family like mine
where love is shown and support divine
is the greatest gift in all the earth
giving joy and strength, and good self worth
we laugh, we cry, "we're all we've got"
if one is in need and the others are not
my family pulls through with comforting ways
sharing acts of compassion to help through the days
There are no words that express my joy
in this gift of two daughters and one single boy
who have taught us as parents the beauty of life
and made it worth living as husband and wife
This family is growing as "in-laws" appear
and blessings continue as troubles draw near
these spouses that married our children three
were all at the Throne on bended knee
they too were "my family" offering much needed strength
holding my hand - it seemed at great length
I bow to the Father with humble devotion
and Thank Him for every bit of commotion
Then too, I found that my family extended
to the body of Christ - we all became blended
you stood by my side with prayers galore
and loved us extravagantly . . . and then offered more
There is nothing more precious on the face of this earth
than people, or love, and the promise of birth
for birthing across my spirit tonight
is a fresh love for "family" with all of my might.
Okay, enough of this smaltzy stuff. Jeanne Harland wrote Steve a get well note that said something like: "I know that God said "okay, okay, enough prayer already, I'll do it, I'll do it!" Thanks family for your prayers - God did it! Hallelujah, Amen.
Steve's mother was here and kept an eye on Steve while I raked leaves, put away garden hoses, winterized the flower garden, winterized the outside of the house. It took me all day raking leaves, but with the strong winds we had yesterday as soon as I raked a section the winds would blow more leaves off of the trees. Today it doesn't look like I did a thing yesterday!
Mom Beutler left today as there really isn't much we can do for Steve other than wait. He really looks great. His coloring is good, he gets up and walks around really well, his exercises he does with ease (oh yes, he complains, but he can do it!). Every day I am more and more encouraged.
As Steve and I were talking last night about how we were processing this entire episode in our life, we both have commented on the great peace, the gentle strength, the calm assurance we felt over the last 2 weeks. We have always said that the greatest asset that we have had in our ministry was our children. When we came to Kokomo Grace UMC we were afraid that we "couldn't do it" without our children. As the heart attack unfolded and the children all came home to support, love, nurture and care for us, we humbly needed to admit once again that it was our children that gave us the most pride, joy, peace, assurance, and strength. The nurses, doctors, and caregivers all commented that we were the most laughing, giggling, singing, praying family they had ever seen. Dr. Coffey (Steve's surgeon) even commented that he loved coming to Steve's room because he always left laughing about something and he said to Steve: "you have some family here Mr Beutler". I don't know if that's good or bad! Ha.
To be a part of a family like mine
where love is shown and support divine
is the greatest gift in all the earth
giving joy and strength, and good self worth
we laugh, we cry, "we're all we've got"
if one is in need and the others are not
my family pulls through with comforting ways
sharing acts of compassion to help through the days
There are no words that express my joy
in this gift of two daughters and one single boy
who have taught us as parents the beauty of life
and made it worth living as husband and wife
This family is growing as "in-laws" appear
and blessings continue as troubles draw near
these spouses that married our children three
were all at the Throne on bended knee
they too were "my family" offering much needed strength
holding my hand - it seemed at great length
I bow to the Father with humble devotion
and Thank Him for every bit of commotion
Then too, I found that my family extended
to the body of Christ - we all became blended
you stood by my side with prayers galore
and loved us extravagantly . . . and then offered more
There is nothing more precious on the face of this earth
than people, or love, and the promise of birth
for birthing across my spirit tonight
is a fresh love for "family" with all of my might.
Okay, enough of this smaltzy stuff. Jeanne Harland wrote Steve a get well note that said something like: "I know that God said "okay, okay, enough prayer already, I'll do it, I'll do it!" Thanks family for your prayers - God did it! Hallelujah, Amen.
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
Research, research, research . . . man, i didn't know there was so much to learn about food, nutrition, cholesterol, fats (saturated, trans, poly, mono), sodium, protein, and good or bad sugars. I keep telling my children as soon as I get them all together they are going to hear from me about heart healthy nutrition - as heart issues reign on both sides of the family. And as far as my church family goes, you should be very happy that I am not the "preacher" because you would definately get "preached" at as well.
One of my most vivid memories of the hospital stay was going to the hospital cafeteria after the health consultant met with Steve and I. She had just painted all kinds of horrible pictures (which grossed us out) about "fat" and how it destroys our arteries. Then I went to the cafeteria to purchase my lunch. I chose a salad with low-fat dressing and proceeded to the cashier. There in front of me was a gentleman with a big fat hamburger, french fries, Banana cream pie and a chocolate milkshake. You will never know how hard it was for me to keep my mouth shut! Since then I have mellowed out some because when I came home and someone had brought chocolate brownies and peanut butter cookies . . . I enjoyed every bite.
It doesn't take much to wear Steve out. Taking a shower was about all he got accomplished today. He talks about getting back to work as soon as possible. The doctors say that he is not to go back to work for about 6-8 weeks, however he has been on the telephone talking to other ministers who have had open heart surgery and he has convinced himself that after 4 weeks he will be back in the saddle again. Pastor Chris came to visit today and Steve "talked business" - oddly enough . . . that seemed to energize him.
A charming visiting nurse from Greentown came to visit today. She thought that Steve was really impressive. She was amazed that he opened the front door and greeted her this morning. It has only been 4 days since surgery. She talked to him about resting more and not pushing himself so hard. We picked up our dog today and they both seem very content to cuddle up in the Lazyboy. Since POOF has been home, Steve has settled down significantly.
Life is good - wasn't the day glorious. I walked outside today and the sun was shining on the beautiful red and yellow trees. The leaves were falling gracefully everywhere. I can't wait to get outside and rake them. Perhaps Mom will sit with Steve tomorrow and I can get out there and enjoy the season.
One of my most vivid memories of the hospital stay was going to the hospital cafeteria after the health consultant met with Steve and I. She had just painted all kinds of horrible pictures (which grossed us out) about "fat" and how it destroys our arteries. Then I went to the cafeteria to purchase my lunch. I chose a salad with low-fat dressing and proceeded to the cashier. There in front of me was a gentleman with a big fat hamburger, french fries, Banana cream pie and a chocolate milkshake. You will never know how hard it was for me to keep my mouth shut! Since then I have mellowed out some because when I came home and someone had brought chocolate brownies and peanut butter cookies . . . I enjoyed every bite.
It doesn't take much to wear Steve out. Taking a shower was about all he got accomplished today. He talks about getting back to work as soon as possible. The doctors say that he is not to go back to work for about 6-8 weeks, however he has been on the telephone talking to other ministers who have had open heart surgery and he has convinced himself that after 4 weeks he will be back in the saddle again. Pastor Chris came to visit today and Steve "talked business" - oddly enough . . . that seemed to energize him.
A charming visiting nurse from Greentown came to visit today. She thought that Steve was really impressive. She was amazed that he opened the front door and greeted her this morning. It has only been 4 days since surgery. She talked to him about resting more and not pushing himself so hard. We picked up our dog today and they both seem very content to cuddle up in the Lazyboy. Since POOF has been home, Steve has settled down significantly.
Life is good - wasn't the day glorious. I walked outside today and the sun was shining on the beautiful red and yellow trees. The leaves were falling gracefully everywhere. I can't wait to get outside and rake them. Perhaps Mom will sit with Steve tomorrow and I can get out there and enjoy the season.
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
Long haul
Woah - what a day. It seems that Stephen always has alot of anxiety in the mornings. The pain medicines that he takes seem to make him hallucinate and have bad dreams that he thinks are real. This morning he was afraid that he was violent and had hit me. It scared him because it felt so real. As the morning progressed and we changed the pain medicine, he became less anxious.
Our neighbors, Jeff and Marla Stein, brought over lunch. Stephen hasn't been eating the hospital food very well, but Marla's beef and homemade noodles and my mother's baked apples prompted 2 helpings. Now mind you his helpings are about 1/8 cup, but nevertheless he really enjoyed lunch.
As my mom was here today, I ran some errands. One of my errands was to go to Maplecrest Elementary school and vote. I checked out the possiblity of bringing Stephen in to vote. They told me as soon as he got there, they would bring him to the front of the line. He was very proud of himself today as he got out of the house and honored his country.
We were both exhausted by 6:00 pm - so, I turned down the lights; lit candles; turned on the TV to watch the elections; put on pajamas/robe and got us all settled in for the night. Perhaps there will be some semblance of normality to our life tonight. Hopefully normality - my bet is that we will fall asleep and miss the whole lovely evening!
Our neighbors, Jeff and Marla Stein, brought over lunch. Stephen hasn't been eating the hospital food very well, but Marla's beef and homemade noodles and my mother's baked apples prompted 2 helpings. Now mind you his helpings are about 1/8 cup, but nevertheless he really enjoyed lunch.
As my mom was here today, I ran some errands. One of my errands was to go to Maplecrest Elementary school and vote. I checked out the possiblity of bringing Stephen in to vote. They told me as soon as he got there, they would bring him to the front of the line. He was very proud of himself today as he got out of the house and honored his country.
We were both exhausted by 6:00 pm - so, I turned down the lights; lit candles; turned on the TV to watch the elections; put on pajamas/robe and got us all settled in for the night. Perhaps there will be some semblance of normality to our life tonight. Hopefully normality - my bet is that we will fall asleep and miss the whole lovely evening!
We're Home
Well, two weeks ago today Stephen had the massive heart attack and here I am sitting in our office at home thanking God for seeing us through the very dramatic events of the last couple of weeks.
We got home about 8:00 pm last evening. Jason came home with us to help get Steve in the house, settled and make sure he could climb the stairs. Steve got in the house fine and he climbed stairs beautifully (slowly, but beautifully). Jay stayed with his Dad while Jayna ran to the pharmacy to purchase all the new medications that Steve will now be on - Woah - Two weeks ago Steve took 2 pills, last night he took 10 pills. . . and I'm not even going to talk about what it cost!
The night was quite wakeful as Steve tried to sleep in his own bed - not so good, the Lazyboy chair that we bought from Grannys furniture last summer was the place of comfort - so about 4:30 this morning, we moved to the chair and he has been sleeping ever since. I know we were up about 15 times before the chair move, so he needs good sleep today.
I am hoping to keep things quiet around here for a few days. My mother is coming today to help me get groceries, laundry, clean out the refrigerator (you know 2 weeks with no one here - not a pretty sight). I will enjoy spending time with mom. Then Stephens mother is coming for awhile. She is helping with the elections today so it was nice that my mother voted early and could come to spend the day with me.
The kids are all home, Steve is home and my greatest nightmare of coming home alone was not a reality. I have great joy and the sun is shining. The trees are beautiful and someone came to the house and raked my leaves. God is so good that it brings tears to my eyes. If you see me and I cry - just know they are happy tears.
We got home about 8:00 pm last evening. Jason came home with us to help get Steve in the house, settled and make sure he could climb the stairs. Steve got in the house fine and he climbed stairs beautifully (slowly, but beautifully). Jay stayed with his Dad while Jayna ran to the pharmacy to purchase all the new medications that Steve will now be on - Woah - Two weeks ago Steve took 2 pills, last night he took 10 pills. . . and I'm not even going to talk about what it cost!
The night was quite wakeful as Steve tried to sleep in his own bed - not so good, the Lazyboy chair that we bought from Grannys furniture last summer was the place of comfort - so about 4:30 this morning, we moved to the chair and he has been sleeping ever since. I know we were up about 15 times before the chair move, so he needs good sleep today.
I am hoping to keep things quiet around here for a few days. My mother is coming today to help me get groceries, laundry, clean out the refrigerator (you know 2 weeks with no one here - not a pretty sight). I will enjoy spending time with mom. Then Stephens mother is coming for awhile. She is helping with the elections today so it was nice that my mother voted early and could come to spend the day with me.
The kids are all home, Steve is home and my greatest nightmare of coming home alone was not a reality. I have great joy and the sun is shining. The trees are beautiful and someone came to the house and raked my leaves. God is so good that it brings tears to my eyes. If you see me and I cry - just know they are happy tears.