My head remains positive and hopeful and my heart carries this...great sadness. One moment you have the world by the tail and in a twinkling of an eye something happens to your health and this sadness settles in and encompasses you. Wishing things could be like they used to be...hoping that things will improve... yet feeling discouragement with every turn.
Today I heard the report from the doctor about Steve's blood and my stomach aches, my heart starts pounding in my chest and this...great sadness...overwhelms me. I call the children just to "talk", but the sadness doesn't go away. I called my Mom - Mom can always make me feel better when I'm hurting, but that...great sadness...still consumes me when I hang up the phone. There are no tears, just this overwhelming sadness -- that is the only way I can describe it.
The Hemotologist said today that Stephen's blood tests didn't show any cancer, or bone marrow blood disorder. That is good news and he released Steve.
Steve also had an appointment with the Cardiologist that wasn't quite so positive. Dr Ritchie is very concerned that Steve is throwing blood clots, (as Steve reported severe pain and burning on more than one occasion in the middle of the night). Dr Ritchie wants Steve to go back to Heart Rehabilitation as Stephen is experiencing upper back and chest pain just from standing in the pulpit for a 20 minute sermon. Dr Ritchie also suggested that stress only exaerbates his heart issues. Steve is to slow down. Steve already has resigned from his extra-curricular activities. His doctor even scolded him today for being "in denial" of his very serious heart issues. More testing and blood work has been ordered, so the saga (and anxiety) continues...
It is such a hard decision as to what to do... His family wants him to retire, slow way down and enjoy his wife, children, grandchildren. But Stephen has this "drive" to be effective in this world. He has a drive to make something of himself. He has this drive to preach Christ to the world. He would die on the vine if he "retired" with no purpose in life at age 57. AND, I know even if he would slow way down, that would not solve our blood and heart problems. They will remain... So I just carry this..great sadness...
Monday, June 7, 2010
Monday, May 31, 2010
What else could go wrong?
We were hoping that this year was going to be a wonderful year, heart attack issues over, but we are still dealing with issues that throw us for a loop. This last week we got a call from Dr Ritchie's office telling us they were setting Steve up with a Blood specialist as he seems to have too much hemoglobin in his blood. Hemoglobin makes blood thick, and he can't have thick blood with the four new stents that were just put in.
We met with the blood specialist on Wednesday. Dr Seekri is doing more tests on Stephen's blood to find out why he is producing so much hemoglobin. After meeting with the doctor, I'm not so upset as I was when we heard that Steve now had another problem. The doctor didn't think whatever was going on with Steve's blood was life-threatening...so we wait for the outcome of his latest testing. He has another appointment next week. He also has another appointment with Dr Ritchie this next week.
We met with the blood specialist on Wednesday. Dr Seekri is doing more tests on Stephen's blood to find out why he is producing so much hemoglobin. After meeting with the doctor, I'm not so upset as I was when we heard that Steve now had another problem. The doctor didn't think whatever was going on with Steve's blood was life-threatening...so we wait for the outcome of his latest testing. He has another appointment next week. He also has another appointment with Dr Ritchie this next week.
Sunday, May 2, 2010
I think we're improving
It has been a wonderful day of worship. Today was the "Wonderful Day of Methodist Music"...and did we have a great service. Stephen started the whole thing off by announcing that Stephanie was going to have her first baby by singing...I think I'm gonna throw-up...I think I'm gonna throw-up....I think I'm gonna throw-up....my hands and praise the Lord! You can imagine the glorious worship after a song like that! Ha. ha. (No, actually it was an incredible worship service)
We are throwing our hands up and praising the Lord...Steve was feeling so much better today. In Sunday School he admitted that this is the first time he has served communion for a long time that his chest, jaw and back didn't hurt him. Not only did he feel better today, his legs have been itching, hurting, with a horrible rash and when I went to put medicine on them this afternoon we noticed that they are clearing up and he claims they do not itch anymore! We actually were able to laugh today and perhaps life will take on some semblance of normalcy.
We are monitoring Stephen closely for the next 3 weeks trying to see if his work ethic, stress levels, and anxiety is what is causing his bypass failures... or if this setback was only a mechanical failure. I think we have decided that Stephen is going to resign from much of his extra work load and just concentrate on the local church that we are serving. That has relieved me some.
We are throwing our hands up and praising the Lord...Steve was feeling so much better today. In Sunday School he admitted that this is the first time he has served communion for a long time that his chest, jaw and back didn't hurt him. Not only did he feel better today, his legs have been itching, hurting, with a horrible rash and when I went to put medicine on them this afternoon we noticed that they are clearing up and he claims they do not itch anymore! We actually were able to laugh today and perhaps life will take on some semblance of normalcy.
We are monitoring Stephen closely for the next 3 weeks trying to see if his work ethic, stress levels, and anxiety is what is causing his bypass failures... or if this setback was only a mechanical failure. I think we have decided that Stephen is going to resign from much of his extra work load and just concentrate on the local church that we are serving. That has relieved me some.
Saturday, May 1, 2010
Stephen came home from the hospital on Thursday afternoon. Wednesday night was sleepless for him. When the open heart surgery was done, he was placed on a blood thinner - they were not able to ween him off of the blood thinner before surgery yesterday, thus the blood wouldn't clot after the surgery. He had 15 pounds of pressure on his hip all night long!
He was pretty exhausted, so I just let him sleep today. The doctor wants Steve to work hard, exercise and get back to work so he can see how much daily life/work and stress affects the success/failure of the heart function. Hopefully this was just a mechanical failure and it has nothing to do with overworking! So, today I am letting him rest. Tomorrow I will put him back to work!
He was pretty exhausted, so I just let him sleep today. The doctor wants Steve to work hard, exercise and get back to work so he can see how much daily life/work and stress affects the success/failure of the heart function. Hopefully this was just a mechanical failure and it has nothing to do with overworking! So, today I am letting him rest. Tomorrow I will put him back to work!
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Hmmmmm
I tried to think of a title for this post, and could not think of anything that expressed my description of the day. Oh, lots of words come to mind, but which words to pick? Discouragement...Exhiliration...Hopeful...Sad...Scared...Relieved... and all of these words described my day. But how do you pick just one word.
Stephen has been having a lot of chest pain for 2 months now. The pain seems to be getting worse. He seems to be almost immobilized by the pain. He is afraid to do new things, or to preach, or to hike, ride bikes, or even watch television, for anything will trigger the pain that radiates from his chest, up into his neck and finally into the neck. The family all say "let's go to the doctor". Stephen says "I must be under some kind of stress and I'm not going to the doctor for him to tell me that I am just fine". Well, yesterday we finally got Steve to go to the doctor (this is where the word Exhiliration comes in). Today, we spent in the hospital with all kinds of tests (of which Stephen failed miserably - - thus the word discouragement.)
So off to surgery with another heart cath, which revealed that the main bypass graft from his open heart surgery (back in October 2008)had failed and Steve's ejection fraction (ie: 30) has not improved in the last year and a half which was not a good thing either. We knew 6 months ago that one of the bypass grafts had failed, now a second graft was causing him problems. We made the decision that the best thing for Dr Ritchie to do was to reconstruct Stephen's main artery by placing 4 large stents in this crucial artery. As the blockage in this artery was very critical, the heart was stopped and restarted with the electrical shock paddles. The surgery took 4 hours. Dr Ritchie had to also place stents in two other places. My heart breaks when I think that Stephen now has 10 stents. We jokingly tell him that he is a total new man, but even as the "jokes" fly around the room, there are tears of great sorrow streaming down the faces of his wife and children. Dr Ritchie doesn't know why the bypass grafts are failing. He suggested that it was just a "mechanical" thing. We talked to Dr Ritchie about Stephen's over working and perhaps he didn't handle stress well, but Dr Ritchie thought that perhaps those factors have a small role in what is going on with Steve, but mostly his body just is not handling the bypass grafts.
What next? Hopefully Stephen can come home tomorrow. We will have a quiet weekend, then Steve is to begin exercising and go back to work! We both have agreed that we have decided to "live" - even when the road is rough and bumpy...life is so much better than deciding to crawl into a hole and hybernate. Yes, we have decided to live...however, I think we are a little more sobered about just how this "life" will look.
Stephen has been having a lot of chest pain for 2 months now. The pain seems to be getting worse. He seems to be almost immobilized by the pain. He is afraid to do new things, or to preach, or to hike, ride bikes, or even watch television, for anything will trigger the pain that radiates from his chest, up into his neck and finally into the neck. The family all say "let's go to the doctor". Stephen says "I must be under some kind of stress and I'm not going to the doctor for him to tell me that I am just fine". Well, yesterday we finally got Steve to go to the doctor (this is where the word Exhiliration comes in). Today, we spent in the hospital with all kinds of tests (of which Stephen failed miserably - - thus the word discouragement.)
So off to surgery with another heart cath, which revealed that the main bypass graft from his open heart surgery (back in October 2008)had failed and Steve's ejection fraction (ie: 30) has not improved in the last year and a half which was not a good thing either. We knew 6 months ago that one of the bypass grafts had failed, now a second graft was causing him problems. We made the decision that the best thing for Dr Ritchie to do was to reconstruct Stephen's main artery by placing 4 large stents in this crucial artery. As the blockage in this artery was very critical, the heart was stopped and restarted with the electrical shock paddles. The surgery took 4 hours. Dr Ritchie had to also place stents in two other places. My heart breaks when I think that Stephen now has 10 stents. We jokingly tell him that he is a total new man, but even as the "jokes" fly around the room, there are tears of great sorrow streaming down the faces of his wife and children. Dr Ritchie doesn't know why the bypass grafts are failing. He suggested that it was just a "mechanical" thing. We talked to Dr Ritchie about Stephen's over working and perhaps he didn't handle stress well, but Dr Ritchie thought that perhaps those factors have a small role in what is going on with Steve, but mostly his body just is not handling the bypass grafts.
What next? Hopefully Stephen can come home tomorrow. We will have a quiet weekend, then Steve is to begin exercising and go back to work! We both have agreed that we have decided to "live" - even when the road is rough and bumpy...life is so much better than deciding to crawl into a hole and hybernate. Yes, we have decided to live...however, I think we are a little more sobered about just how this "life" will look.
